Hi. I guess this is as good a place to start as any, seeing as how this is my first blog entry and all. My name is Squiberticus. That isn’t my real name, of course, but I probably didn’t have to tell you that. It’s a name I made up to protect the innocent, namely me, but the word “innocent” might even be somewhat of a stretch. Who IS innocent these days anyway, right? I mean, it’s the Internet age, the twenty-first century, where you get a domain name assigned at birth and third graders are running their own sub-Reddits for dank memes.
I don’t care about any of that.
What I do care about is my work, which is something I do well. Very well. And if I knew how to market my craft I think I would probably be making a shit-ton of money, but unfortunately, marketing is not my thing. That, and the fact that most of the people who would actually buy my work would probably be just as likely to kill me if I approached them with a proposition.
“Hey,” I’d say. “You look like someone who might know a guy.”
So I answered a Craigslist ad that sounded interesting and ended up in what is, by all accounts, a really fucking weird situation. But I get to do the shit I love, I get free room and board, and a big payoff in the end. When the time comes I’ll get the hell out of this place, but honestly, I have no idea what I’ll do back in the real world. So for now, this is it.
My name is Squiberticus, and I live in a monastery. During the day I pretend to be a normal, run of the mill monk, hard at work in a scriptorium restoring medieval manuscripts. Only I’m not doing a lot of restoration, I’m creating them. Really good ones. When it comes to medieval forgeries, this is the gold standard. As I said, I’m good at what I do, I just suffer from chronic stupidity when it comes to getting paid.
Anyway, at night I hang out with my brothers here at the abbey and work on my pet project: a modern translation of the Bible. Sure, it’s not the best way to meet women, but honestly, I’m not good for anyone right now anyway. So I’m just cooling my heels until this job is done, and then I’ll figure out what comes next.